I’ve read lots of books, seen tons of movies about kids and adults who become the stuckie for some popular kid. The stuckie usually gets to be the one to give everything to their ‘star friend’ and they always get the short end of the stick. I always wonder if the kid ever grows out of that co-dependency. I like to think that some do.
HOW TO KNOW WHEN GIVING TURNS TO USING
As a kid, I had a serious candy habit. I would buy a pack of Now and Later’s every day after school. They only cost about ten cents a pack and I would use my fifty cent allowance on them most of the time. My favorite flavors were watermelon and green apple. Funny thing was – that was everyone’ favorite flavors too.
The only time I could eat the candy was during recess. I tried all kinds of ways to conceal them as I would sneak one of the twelve pieces into my salivating mouth. I swear to you, each and every time I broke open the package kids across the play yard heard it.
They would come running – kids that laughed at me, teased me, threatened to beat me up and that I frankly didn’t like. They would beg, tell me they would be nice to me, and then snatch my candy.
As I got older things changed. I had friends that were so nice to me, only to find out that behind my back they were making moves on my boyfriends or saying hateful lies to people who were getting to know me. These ‘friends’ would take my kindness and thirsty desire for friendship and twist it to their personal gain.
WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A TRUE FRIEND AND NOT A USER
True friends – I’ve been blessed by many. In that I’ve been lucky. A true friend gives as much as they take. When you are in a jam and need their help, they try within their power to help you. They support you, and see your successes with pride, knowing that you are truly grateful for their support. They don’t keep taking with the expectations that you give. When you do give, they are sincerely thankful – and they tell you so.
WHEN TO SAY ‘NO MORE!’
If you have a ‘friend’ that has taking your kindness as a form of weakness, and you find that they are using you, take matters in hand. Meaning if you see that you are the only one giving and they never give back, they just take, take, take – then treat you as though you should be happy to give to them, you’ve got a user on your hands. You need to stand up for yourself and let them know what they are doing.
One bit of advice my Nana gave to me that has stuck with me all of my life, “No one can do to you – anything that you don’t allow them too.” Which means when you find that someone have pushed you too far – let them know it – and follow up with actions not just words.
You must be talking about some people that I know. That is why I keep speaking to my children about
ReplyDeletefriends, associates and acquaintances
Friends - ALWAYS got your back, dependible, do just as much for you as you do for them, not tit-for-tat, you just know who they are
Associates - friendly, spend time with them, can do some things together, don't ALWAYS got you back
Acquaintances - say hello and goodbye to these people, pleasant to be around, NO expectations
I too always wanted to be the child that everyone liked in the group. I grow up thinking if, your good to people they will be good to you. Wrong, that only works in the nucleus of your own little world that you created. In to adulthood I thought that my existing friends and new friends I made were just like me,
ReplyDeletewrong. And sad as it may seem the above does not leave out family members. Who feel just because you move up a little its free ruin for them to use you too?
As, I got older I began to realize the difference between a True Friend vs. a USER. A user by nature is very manipulative, you see this is their survival technique, a user will do things for you but, always in the back of their minds there thinking I am doing this cause later on I may need something in return, a user never quite understands when you can’t do something for them all the time because they think and believe it is all about them, and that you should be honored that they have requested a favor from you.
A user will pray on your kindness at all times. A user will take, take and take. My family is Caribbean and we have a saying. “A user is like a piranha (flesh eating fish). They will take everything from you and only leave your bones; they only leave the bones because they have no use for them.”
A friend, a true friend is a thing of beauty remember people friends are people we have chosen to be in our lives, people that GOD sends to show us the beauty of mankind. A true friend is always there for you and wants nothing in return just your friendship. A true friend s plus’s outweighs their cons. And I must say that over the years I have been blessed with very true and beautiful friends in my life.
So you see its like this when you wake up and realize that you indeed have a user on your hands. Its time to pump your fist and say “ I have taken all that I can take and I am not taking anymore. Get that user out of your life with words and actions.
In closing, I had a very good friend tell me once look at the situation like the animal kingdom. In the animal kingdom there are hunters and preys. Which one do you want to spend your life being?,